Blocked, that's what I am. Blocked as in writer's block. The words that used to flow through me onto the page, the screen, have slowed to a trickle. No longer does the perfect sentence percolate up to the surface of my consciousness as I drive down the highway. No poems, however illogical, come to me in dreams. The days and nights of losing myself in the rhythm of language, when time and space collapse until only the words on the screen and my hands on the keyboard exist-- these are no more.
As one who came to the craft through journalism, I was trained to produce, on deadline, no matter what. Writer's block was never an option. Now, I teach writing, but no longer write, illustrating that horrible cliché that those who can't, teach. Although I have had my work published for several decades, I barely even journal. Of course, as an English teacher, I do still write: emails, lists, and, every couple of months, a new syllabus or three, not to mention corrections and comments on several dozen student papers each week.
I could blame the block on my day job, on my commute, on my dog, on my resolution to get in shape, all of which take time. Yet I have hours to spend watching "Angel" and "True Blood" on DVD or reading fashion magazines and browsing such shopping sites as Pixie Market. I even have material to work on: three different book projects, all on serious topics, all of which strike me as far too depressing. If I were to pick up any one of these again, the angst would drain me more than teaching four hours straight.
Perhaps the problem is that I am basically happy with my life by the sea. I have largely laid to rest the torments of the past and have little interest in digging them up again. Does one have to be tortured to create?
Actually, I'm a little embarrassed that what captures my attention now are colors and shapes: the sculptural folds of a garment, the play of light on the ocean outside my windows, the fun of pulling together a costume, the challenge of creating an apartment home that feels cozy rather than cramped. But compared to war, recession, health care reform, the fiscal nightmare in
Sacramento-- not to mention global warming-- my fascinations seem too, well, trivial. Frivolous.
If I could, I would write a book that was light and playful, warm and charming, one that would make a reader smile or even laugh, although I have no idea what the topic would be. The year I learned to party? But while I wait for inspiration, I'll just keep blogging
Showing posts with label creativity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creativity. Show all posts
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Friday, January 23, 2009
Following the Thread
Ever since I was a girl sitting on the front porch with my best friend, the two of us making clothes for Barbie and troll dolls, I’ve nurtured a secret wish to be a fashion designer. When the opportunity came to take a step in the direction of at least exploring that childhood ambition, I went for it, signing up for a week-long course at the London College of Fashion. Doing so required me to set aside my qualms about the garment industry, fears about my finances, and an amorphous guilt over indulging in something so seemingly vacuous as fashion, to follow the thread of my own fascination, wherever it might lead.
The course began at 10 a.m. on a Monday in mid-December, on the top floor of a building near Oxford Circus. Despite the number of students enrolled in this week of short courses, the college’s heat had been off all weekend. Vanda, our teacher or tutor as the English would say, coped as best she could with the freezing conditions, giving us a tour of the ground floor (and much warmer) library, followed by an early lunch. We spent most of the afternoon back in the library, exploring possible research topics; we had to choose three by the end of the first day, which we would present to our classmates at the end of the first week.
After class, some of us walked to the fashion bookstore R.D. Franks, where I found a book about the designer I’d chosen to study, Vivienne Westwood, a Brit whose work combines Edwardian tailoring with a fondness for the outrageous. (She and her partner Malcolm McLaren, manger of the Sex Pistols, were at one point fined for “exposing to public view an indecent exhibition.”)
For someone as word-oriented as I am, whose idea of research is to read a lot, it was an interesting departure to focus on the visual, to search magazines not for articles but for images to create the mood boards, which were the jumping-off point for design development sheets that led to finished illustrations.
Day 2: I dressed as warmly as I possible, with long underwear over my tights and Ugg boots on my feet. The room was still freezing but at least I wasn’t. We spent the morning learning design development by taking an item from our bag and using its colors and shapes as inspiration for clothing and accessories. I pulled out my skeleton room key with a red trapezoidal rubber tag and eventually had a page with drawings of shoes whose edges matched that of the keys, a suitcase the same shape as the tag (“Sweet,” Vanda said approvingly), and, at the teacher’s suggestion, a red T-shirt dress with an enormous black key on the front of it. The afternoon was devoted to learning some of the basics of fashion illustration, beginning with how to quickly draw a proportional “8-head” human body from a piece of paper folded into eighths. “Give yourselves the gift of a life-drawing class,” Vanda urged us all.
In addition to reading about Vivienne Westwood, I decided to pay a visit to her boutique on Conduit Street. Despite the swarm of Japanese tourists, I was enchanted by the mix of bright-colored rubber heels and tailored plaid suits, the reproduction T-shirts from the designer’s 1970s Let It Rock shop, and the whimsical house logo, a royal orb in the middle of a flying saucer (or one of Saturn’s rings?), on everything from cufflinks to pendants. I appreciated the kindness of the clerk who said of the too-snug wrap dress I was trying on, “It’s made in Italy, so it runs small,” as he went off to fetch the next size up. If I didn’t live in 70-degree California, I would have been tempted to splurge on the purple wool knit number, with its ruffled neckline that managed to be flatteringly plunging but cut so that it didn’t need a camisole underneath. As it was, I succumbed to the charm of a pair of red jelly flats with ankle straps that took forever to put on or take off and had just a hint of fetish to them. After all, one of the subjects I was investigating was bondage’s influence on fashion.
Day 3: I woke up late, only minutes before we were supposed to meet at the Victoria and Albert museum, but managed to arrive at the Tsarist exhibit before the rest of the class. The exhibit was small but there were some intriguing military jackets that could easily be adapted to the 21st century. More poignant was the sweet little coat worn by Tsar Peter II, who died while still in his teens after ruling only three years. Called a “soul-warmer,” the coat was once scarlet but now a faded salmon hue, its removable sleeves tied to the shoulders with matching ribbons.
In an adjacent gallery was an array of couture gowns, including Westwood’s “Watteau” shot silk and taffeta evening dress in sea green with deep violet trim, one of her corset dresses with the boning inside, a style which would suit my willowy daughter very well. From there the class proceeded to another exhibit, Fashion V. Sport. Interestingly, the featured Westwood design included a felt hood that covered everything but the mouth and chin, with two vertical eye holes rimmed in copper metalwork, a reference to a 1965 Edward Mann hat in another concurrent exhibit on the Cold War. The most fantastic piece though was a sparkly extravaganza by Dior: grey tracksuit leggings topped with a fluorescent green corset and tutu embellished with sparkles, vintage white lace undergarments and a tangle of silk lacings.
While the other students took off for the shops in nearby Knightsbridge, Vanda and I had coffee in the museum dining room. Afterwards, I headed to Dover Street Market for another of our shop reports. My favorite piece of clothing in this multi-story consortium was a black taffeta skirt, which would have been rather formal if not for the two giant pairs of lips, edged in pleats, cut out through both sides of the fabric; they would like great with a red slip underneath. I also liked the market’s signature black T-shirts with their black heart-shaped appliqué of two black eyes.
The afternoon class was missing several students, presumably captivated by the post-financial collapse, pre-Christmas bargain frenzy. Vanda showed a film of a runway show by a Japanese designer whose work was inspired by the igloo at the back of the catwalk, the colors of the polar sky, and the region’s fauna. The take-home message was that anything can inspire a collection: all that is required is a fascinated imagination.
That night my daughter and I went to Selfriges, a department store chain which is somewhere between Saks and Macy’s, for another of my assignments: to choose a designer represented there and try on a piece of clothing. The street-level window had a scene featuring Alexander McQueen’s vision of winter with a ballerina dressed in snow white and blood red and another figure with a jeweled headdress and huge red cloak, so I decided to check out his ready-to-wear upstairs. What the hell, I thought as I took a crinkly scarlet ball-gown costing 2,025 GPB from the rack. The off-the-shoulder puff sleeves and empire waist flattered my decllotage, but under the voluminous (and heavy!) skirt, the rest of my body disappeared.
Day 4: Today we were all hard at work, leafing through magazines, cutting, drawing, pasting and printing things off the Internet. By 2 p.m., when I’d finally finished my third mood board, I was so light-headed that I had to stop for lunch. The next part of the process was to do a design development sheet for each mood board.
My bondage board included black and white images of strappy sandals, a Dolce and Grabbano dress with “chastity belt,” a corset and laced gloves, all cut out with tabs like paper doll clothes and mounted on a red rubbery surface. For the design development sheet, I had already sketched some pastel silk skirts and tops with corset-like lacing but Vanda pushed me to do something raw with the bondage theme. For my finished illustration, I came up with a red satin strapless, tight, bandage-style mini-dress, with overlapping layers of fabric like lacings, worn with black espadrilles.
At an inexpensive fabric store that night, I got samples of bright green and hot pink silks for my colors of India project, along with a crinkly silk sample which would work for the strapless bondage dress if it were in red rather than pink.
Day 5:. In researching the use of color in India (my third topic), I learned that while there are regional differences, Hindu culture generally equates bright colors with youth and fertility, two qualities which brides hopefully epitomize, hence the opulence of Indian bridal wear. As women age, they are expected to wear more muted colors and use less embellishments in keeping with a belief that older people should be less interested in the affairs of this world (a view which is found in other cultures as well). While my mood board included magazine images of hennaed hands and Bollywood stars, the design development sheet focused on images of the ornate, close-fitting, sleeveless or short-sleeved tops worn with saris, clipped from the pages of an South Asian wedding magazine. I had the idea of creating a line of corsets in such saturated solid colors as emerald, tumeric, lapis and magenta found in Indian bridal wear and Bollywood gowns. I added a few sketches of corsets and the fabric samples I had gotten the previous evening, but ran out of time to do a finished illustration.
The work I was proudest of was on the topic I had put the most effort into: Vivienne Westwood. For the design development sheet, I cut and pasted pictures that showed the details of her tailored clothing. But how could I take this quintessential British look and make it relate to the culture of my country? How could I show the source of my inspiration without appearing to copy? In a flash, I thought of the colors of New Mexico, where I had spent so much time: the bright blue clarity of the sky, the deep green of the forests on Taos Mountain, the blue-violet of the mountain itself, and decided to incorporate those. I also liked the sexiness of Westwood’s clothes, so I took the waterfall frill from the neck of a blouse and put it on the back of the pine green pencil skirt, to highlight the booty. For the final illustration, I created a background collage of Southwestern colors, and then added the finished sketches.
Looking back on my week in the world of fashion, it’s too early to tell whether it will lead to a career change. What I did experience was a sharpening of my observation skills, an expansion of my range as a visual artist and the encouragement which is so vital for anyone in the arts. Vanda’s enthusiasm was infectious and I started noticing and recording the little details, the fleeting moments, which might serve as future inspiration for a collage or painting, if not a dress design. The rows of star-shaped twinkling lights in fuchsia, green and clear hanging from an office window, the wall sconces reminiscent of medieval torches at a café called Sacred, the intricate cut of a gothic-black silk blouse at All Saints, my favorite British chain. I’m seeing not only cut and color, fit and fabric, but also the connections between inspiration and final product, between past and present, the invisible web of fashion as an art form, an art which each of us participates in whenever we get dressed.
The course began at 10 a.m. on a Monday in mid-December, on the top floor of a building near Oxford Circus. Despite the number of students enrolled in this week of short courses, the college’s heat had been off all weekend. Vanda, our teacher or tutor as the English would say, coped as best she could with the freezing conditions, giving us a tour of the ground floor (and much warmer) library, followed by an early lunch. We spent most of the afternoon back in the library, exploring possible research topics; we had to choose three by the end of the first day, which we would present to our classmates at the end of the first week.
After class, some of us walked to the fashion bookstore R.D. Franks, where I found a book about the designer I’d chosen to study, Vivienne Westwood, a Brit whose work combines Edwardian tailoring with a fondness for the outrageous. (She and her partner Malcolm McLaren, manger of the Sex Pistols, were at one point fined for “exposing to public view an indecent exhibition.”)
For someone as word-oriented as I am, whose idea of research is to read a lot, it was an interesting departure to focus on the visual, to search magazines not for articles but for images to create the mood boards, which were the jumping-off point for design development sheets that led to finished illustrations.
Day 2: I dressed as warmly as I possible, with long underwear over my tights and Ugg boots on my feet. The room was still freezing but at least I wasn’t. We spent the morning learning design development by taking an item from our bag and using its colors and shapes as inspiration for clothing and accessories. I pulled out my skeleton room key with a red trapezoidal rubber tag and eventually had a page with drawings of shoes whose edges matched that of the keys, a suitcase the same shape as the tag (“Sweet,” Vanda said approvingly), and, at the teacher’s suggestion, a red T-shirt dress with an enormous black key on the front of it. The afternoon was devoted to learning some of the basics of fashion illustration, beginning with how to quickly draw a proportional “8-head” human body from a piece of paper folded into eighths. “Give yourselves the gift of a life-drawing class,” Vanda urged us all.
In addition to reading about Vivienne Westwood, I decided to pay a visit to her boutique on Conduit Street. Despite the swarm of Japanese tourists, I was enchanted by the mix of bright-colored rubber heels and tailored plaid suits, the reproduction T-shirts from the designer’s 1970s Let It Rock shop, and the whimsical house logo, a royal orb in the middle of a flying saucer (or one of Saturn’s rings?), on everything from cufflinks to pendants. I appreciated the kindness of the clerk who said of the too-snug wrap dress I was trying on, “It’s made in Italy, so it runs small,” as he went off to fetch the next size up. If I didn’t live in 70-degree California, I would have been tempted to splurge on the purple wool knit number, with its ruffled neckline that managed to be flatteringly plunging but cut so that it didn’t need a camisole underneath. As it was, I succumbed to the charm of a pair of red jelly flats with ankle straps that took forever to put on or take off and had just a hint of fetish to them. After all, one of the subjects I was investigating was bondage’s influence on fashion.
Day 3: I woke up late, only minutes before we were supposed to meet at the Victoria and Albert museum, but managed to arrive at the Tsarist exhibit before the rest of the class. The exhibit was small but there were some intriguing military jackets that could easily be adapted to the 21st century. More poignant was the sweet little coat worn by Tsar Peter II, who died while still in his teens after ruling only three years. Called a “soul-warmer,” the coat was once scarlet but now a faded salmon hue, its removable sleeves tied to the shoulders with matching ribbons.
In an adjacent gallery was an array of couture gowns, including Westwood’s “Watteau” shot silk and taffeta evening dress in sea green with deep violet trim, one of her corset dresses with the boning inside, a style which would suit my willowy daughter very well. From there the class proceeded to another exhibit, Fashion V. Sport. Interestingly, the featured Westwood design included a felt hood that covered everything but the mouth and chin, with two vertical eye holes rimmed in copper metalwork, a reference to a 1965 Edward Mann hat in another concurrent exhibit on the Cold War. The most fantastic piece though was a sparkly extravaganza by Dior: grey tracksuit leggings topped with a fluorescent green corset and tutu embellished with sparkles, vintage white lace undergarments and a tangle of silk lacings.
While the other students took off for the shops in nearby Knightsbridge, Vanda and I had coffee in the museum dining room. Afterwards, I headed to Dover Street Market for another of our shop reports. My favorite piece of clothing in this multi-story consortium was a black taffeta skirt, which would have been rather formal if not for the two giant pairs of lips, edged in pleats, cut out through both sides of the fabric; they would like great with a red slip underneath. I also liked the market’s signature black T-shirts with their black heart-shaped appliqué of two black eyes.
The afternoon class was missing several students, presumably captivated by the post-financial collapse, pre-Christmas bargain frenzy. Vanda showed a film of a runway show by a Japanese designer whose work was inspired by the igloo at the back of the catwalk, the colors of the polar sky, and the region’s fauna. The take-home message was that anything can inspire a collection: all that is required is a fascinated imagination.
That night my daughter and I went to Selfriges, a department store chain which is somewhere between Saks and Macy’s, for another of my assignments: to choose a designer represented there and try on a piece of clothing. The street-level window had a scene featuring Alexander McQueen’s vision of winter with a ballerina dressed in snow white and blood red and another figure with a jeweled headdress and huge red cloak, so I decided to check out his ready-to-wear upstairs. What the hell, I thought as I took a crinkly scarlet ball-gown costing 2,025 GPB from the rack. The off-the-shoulder puff sleeves and empire waist flattered my decllotage, but under the voluminous (and heavy!) skirt, the rest of my body disappeared.
Day 4: Today we were all hard at work, leafing through magazines, cutting, drawing, pasting and printing things off the Internet. By 2 p.m., when I’d finally finished my third mood board, I was so light-headed that I had to stop for lunch. The next part of the process was to do a design development sheet for each mood board.
My bondage board included black and white images of strappy sandals, a Dolce and Grabbano dress with “chastity belt,” a corset and laced gloves, all cut out with tabs like paper doll clothes and mounted on a red rubbery surface. For the design development sheet, I had already sketched some pastel silk skirts and tops with corset-like lacing but Vanda pushed me to do something raw with the bondage theme. For my finished illustration, I came up with a red satin strapless, tight, bandage-style mini-dress, with overlapping layers of fabric like lacings, worn with black espadrilles.
At an inexpensive fabric store that night, I got samples of bright green and hot pink silks for my colors of India project, along with a crinkly silk sample which would work for the strapless bondage dress if it were in red rather than pink.
Day 5:. In researching the use of color in India (my third topic), I learned that while there are regional differences, Hindu culture generally equates bright colors with youth and fertility, two qualities which brides hopefully epitomize, hence the opulence of Indian bridal wear. As women age, they are expected to wear more muted colors and use less embellishments in keeping with a belief that older people should be less interested in the affairs of this world (a view which is found in other cultures as well). While my mood board included magazine images of hennaed hands and Bollywood stars, the design development sheet focused on images of the ornate, close-fitting, sleeveless or short-sleeved tops worn with saris, clipped from the pages of an South Asian wedding magazine. I had the idea of creating a line of corsets in such saturated solid colors as emerald, tumeric, lapis and magenta found in Indian bridal wear and Bollywood gowns. I added a few sketches of corsets and the fabric samples I had gotten the previous evening, but ran out of time to do a finished illustration.
The work I was proudest of was on the topic I had put the most effort into: Vivienne Westwood. For the design development sheet, I cut and pasted pictures that showed the details of her tailored clothing. But how could I take this quintessential British look and make it relate to the culture of my country? How could I show the source of my inspiration without appearing to copy? In a flash, I thought of the colors of New Mexico, where I had spent so much time: the bright blue clarity of the sky, the deep green of the forests on Taos Mountain, the blue-violet of the mountain itself, and decided to incorporate those. I also liked the sexiness of Westwood’s clothes, so I took the waterfall frill from the neck of a blouse and put it on the back of the pine green pencil skirt, to highlight the booty. For the final illustration, I created a background collage of Southwestern colors, and then added the finished sketches.
Looking back on my week in the world of fashion, it’s too early to tell whether it will lead to a career change. What I did experience was a sharpening of my observation skills, an expansion of my range as a visual artist and the encouragement which is so vital for anyone in the arts. Vanda’s enthusiasm was infectious and I started noticing and recording the little details, the fleeting moments, which might serve as future inspiration for a collage or painting, if not a dress design. The rows of star-shaped twinkling lights in fuchsia, green and clear hanging from an office window, the wall sconces reminiscent of medieval torches at a café called Sacred, the intricate cut of a gothic-black silk blouse at All Saints, my favorite British chain. I’m seeing not only cut and color, fit and fabric, but also the connections between inspiration and final product, between past and present, the invisible web of fashion as an art form, an art which each of us participates in whenever we get dressed.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Artist Statement: Forbidden series
As the name implies, the series “Forbidden: Women’s Lives in Afghanistan under the Taliban” explores the sequestered life of Afghani women under the Taliban regime, as an example of how fundamentalist religion restricts and reduces the lives of women in the name of maintaining men’s honor. The work was inspired by a variety of sources, including Eve Ensler’s book, “Insecure at Last: A Political Memoir,” the movie “The Kite Runner” and the work of RAWA, Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan, but also reflects the artist’s long-standing interests in woman in Islam, the subject of her undergraduate thesis at the University of California, Berkeley, and the intersection of religion and women’s bodies.
Judith created the series during a retreat in Taos, New Mexico. Their genesis was a surprise to the artist, who bought several sheets of handmade papers at a local shop, intending to create a piece based on New Mexico, but found something entirely different emerging.
“Forbidden Self” is part of a larger series of yoni (vagina) paintings. The image of the woman locked in her house is a metaphor for the locking in of women’s sexual desire. The full moon, in the position of the clitoris, represents the potential for pleasure that women are born with, a potential which is seen as threatening to male dominance and too often ripped away under a practice euphemistically referred to as “female circumcision,” not only in Afghanistan but in other parts of Asia, Africa and the Middle East.
As in the other pieces, the windows in "Forbidden View" are blackened, a Taliban rule ostensibly made so that no unrelated man can see the women inside the house, but in fact keeping women from looking out. In this case, one young woman breaks the rules, standing on rocks to peek out at the full moon.
“Forbidden Knowledge” is inspired by the secret girls schools set up by RAWA (Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan) after the Taliban outlawed female education.
Among the many things that women and girls were not allowed to do under the Taliban was eat ice cream, because this pleasure, like others, was seen as lascivious; “Forbidden Pleasure” refers to the secret ice cream parlors which Ensler describes in her memoir.
“Forbidden Love” depicts a woman holding a love letter, which resulted in her being stoned. This last piece was also inspired by a conversation overheard in the cafe/gallery in Taos, New Mexico. A local woman who was stationed in Iraq in 2007 with the Army National Guard described seeing an Iraqi woman being stoned, a horrific event which both she and her platoon were not allowed to interfere with or stop.
Judith created the series during a retreat in Taos, New Mexico. Their genesis was a surprise to the artist, who bought several sheets of handmade papers at a local shop, intending to create a piece based on New Mexico, but found something entirely different emerging.
“Forbidden Self” is part of a larger series of yoni (vagina) paintings. The image of the woman locked in her house is a metaphor for the locking in of women’s sexual desire. The full moon, in the position of the clitoris, represents the potential for pleasure that women are born with, a potential which is seen as threatening to male dominance and too often ripped away under a practice euphemistically referred to as “female circumcision,” not only in Afghanistan but in other parts of Asia, Africa and the Middle East.
As in the other pieces, the windows in "Forbidden View" are blackened, a Taliban rule ostensibly made so that no unrelated man can see the women inside the house, but in fact keeping women from looking out. In this case, one young woman breaks the rules, standing on rocks to peek out at the full moon.
“Forbidden Knowledge” is inspired by the secret girls schools set up by RAWA (Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan) after the Taliban outlawed female education.
Among the many things that women and girls were not allowed to do under the Taliban was eat ice cream, because this pleasure, like others, was seen as lascivious; “Forbidden Pleasure” refers to the secret ice cream parlors which Ensler describes in her memoir.
“Forbidden Love” depicts a woman holding a love letter, which resulted in her being stoned. This last piece was also inspired by a conversation overheard in the cafe/gallery in Taos, New Mexico. A local woman who was stationed in Iraq in 2007 with the Army National Guard described seeing an Iraqi woman being stoned, a horrific event which both she and her platoon were not allowed to interfere with or stop.
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